31 August 2007

. . . For the Record:

File Under:
[.p.r.o.s.e.], [.r.a.n.t.s.]

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon."   – Comedian Chris Rock

(ephemeral) 

Not Useless . . .

File Under:
[.s.o.b.r.i.e.t.y.], [.f.r.i.e.n.d.s.], [.r.a.n.t.s.], [.l.i.f.e.]

Thank you to my hubby and to my best friend, Kevin, for reminding me that I’m not useless.

As Kevin pointed out, what’s most likely going on with me is that things aren’t happening for me as fast as I’d like or the way that I’d like. There’s me . . . trying to wrest back control when I am powerless. In A. A. you learn a lot of things: personal powerlessness, surrender, humility, acceptance, letting go, boundaries . . . That’s just a small number of the myriad of lessons I’ve learned so far – and sometimes have to revisit.

Like right now while talking to Kevin he pointed out to me the above about things not happening "my way". This means I need to surrender them to my Higher Power and stop trying to meddle. My job is NOT to fix everything, but to do what I can and only that – the next right thing, as it were.

I’m powerless over a lot of things right now and that makes me feel ineffectual. 

But I have to realize that it doesn’t mean that I am ineffectual. As Kevin pointed out, if I were ineffectual, things wouldn’t be where they are now. I wouldn’t have made any headway anywhere, or, if anything, I’d have already relapsed. 

So, ummm, yeah.

I need to surrender. Again. I keep revisiting this one this year. Heh. And I need to remember where "you" end and "I" begin. And I need to keep in mind what personal powerlessness is and what it does and doesn’t touch in my life.

 
(ephemeral)
 

30 August 2007

Addendum to Previous Post

File Under:
[.p.s.y.c.h.o.b.a.b.b.l.e.], [.b.i.p.o.l.a.r.], [.r.e.l.a.t.i.o.n.s.h.i.p.], [.s.o.b.r.i.e.t.y.], [.c.a.r.e.e.r.], [.f.r.i.e.n.d.s.], [.e.v.e.n.t.s.], [.l.i.f.e.]

Not only do I feel useless, but I feel like I’m pissing someone off without meaning to. Great. Watch me fail all over the fucking place.

True to addiction, huh? Everything gets going good and you find a way to tear it apart. You can’t have nice things.

There goes the committee. Spin, spin, sugar . . .

(ephemeral) 

Useless . . .

File Under:
[.c.a.r.e.e.r.]

Why am I here? I feel fucking useless.

Hooray for being useless, useless me. Gah, maybe I should just give this shit up completely. Why am I even trying?

Why?

 

(ephemeral)

13 August 2007

MINE!!!

File Under:
[.c.a.r.e.e.r.], [.e.v.e.n.t.s.], [.l.i.f.e.]

IT’S MINE I GOT THE NAME!! IT’S MINE!! OMFGWTFBBQROGLMAOU812

The business name I  wanted wasn’t taken.

It’s on now, peeps. We are talking about all-out full-court press, yeah. Hahahahaha. D00d. W3rd to d4 m0th3r5h1p.

(ephemeral) 

Start It Up!

File Under:
[.r.e.l.a.t.i.o.n.s.h.i.p.], [.c.a.r.e.e.r.], [.f.r.i.e.n.d.s.], [.e.v.e.n.t.s.], [.l.i.f.e.]

It’s been an awesome weekend all the way around.

I got to pick some business brains, get stuff accomplished, and chill out. I got to hang out with Rob Landley for the first time in a long time, too, and catch up over coffee. We had a great coversation that was MUCH needed and some wicked stuff came out of it.

Hellz yeah.

And as if all that weren’t cake, the icing was mmmm mmmm mmmm . . . My hubby is beyond words. :)

How did I ever get it so damn good? 

(ephemeral) 

8 August 2007

The Low Down Run Down . . . Down Low

File Under:
[.r.e.l.a.t.i.o.n.s.h.i.p.], [.s.o.b.r.i.e.t.y.], [.f.r.i.e.n.d.s.], [.e.v.e.n.t.s.], [.l.i.f.e.]

The last month’s happenings . . . in NO particular order:

  • Road Trip From Hell 2007
  • PTSD resulting from the aforementioned Road Trip From Hell
  • Hanging out with Jason Goddard
  • Hanging out with Calic0
  • Mr. Bacon is back
  • Drama on the business front
  • My sole sibling is . . . I love him. If he gives my Dad a heart attack, though . . .
  • Preparations for meeting my husband’s parents
  • Meetings in other cities

I think that’s the short of it.

(ephemeral)