[.l.o.s.t././.i.n././.t.r.a.n.s.l.a.t.i.o.n.]

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewp oints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diap ers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill . It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete… Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person WI ll not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away".

Thank you, George Carlin, for that beauty.

(ephemeral) 

Right now I’m giving you fair and adequate warning. Below may contain some information that may be considered too much information, so if you choose to scroll down and read, you’ve been warned. However, at the same time, there’s some pretty interesting – and amazing (or so it was to me!) – stuff there, too . . . so it’s a toss up and the proverbial ball is in your court.

My husband tonight utterly amazed me. Then again, he does this often, but this was special – and quite spectacular, if I do say so myself.

So, I say, as we’re laying in bed, cuddling and touching, stroking each others’ skin, that I wonder if it’s possible to be brought to orgasm just by touch. Well, he took this as a personal challenge and started seriously sensually stroking my skin, hitting all my erogenous zones, and just going to town with it. I was writhing like mad. He had me so worked up that it was crazy. I felt myself getting wetter and wetter, I was moaning and I could feel myself getting closer and closer and closer to a pretty intense orgasm. Then, when he – and this just drives me absolutely crazy in that way that every woman loves to be driven crazy – bit me at the right spot at the nape of the neck with just the right amount of teeth and pressure. I was gone. I came so hard. It was on after that. I went down on him, which I love doing, and he didn’t stop touching and caressing me, which was driving me even more wild. I was already pretty much soaking, so . . . We played back and forth for a few more minutes, the intensity just building and I kept coming and coming all through this. It was mind blowing. Then, he enters me and we really get to going at it, him still running his hands and fingers all over me, making me burn with passion and have orgasm after orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. We both came together incredibly hard, falling momentarily in a pile on each other, him on top of me, which I love. At that point and – I absolutely swear – for about an hour or so thereafter I keep having what I call "aftershock" orgams, which are orgasms with minimal touch or stimulation of any kind. We cuddle as he falls asleep and as I’m cuddling with him, I’m still having major aftershocks. Giggling proudly, he asked if I was okay. My response, "I’m more than okay. I’m in sheer bliss here."

I couldn’t move except for the aftershock twitches for about an hour.

Saying that my husband is good in bed is an understatement. He’s an absolute, bona-fide god and the only man who’s ever been able to give me an orgasm, much less multiples and then do things like this.

I’m still floaty and blissed out. I’m going to go cuddle some more. :)

(ephemeral)

 

So, as of a few hours ago – around lunchtime, Central Standard Time – I completed twenty-nine reolutions around this bright star of ours known as the sun.

This year has been rather interesting. I got married in this last turn around our celestial star, which I of all people didn’t expect, but at the same time I’m the last person complaining. And, to make it even better, my Dad loves him! My Dad has never liked anyone that I’ve dated, but he’s given this one his full approval, love, acceptance, and respect. He even calls him "son" – which is a major sign of just how much Dad’s come to bring Steve, my husband, into our family – fucked up though it may be.

And Steve’s family has fully accepted me, too. I have more family! It’s strange. They’re great people, too, and I’ve liked every single one of them that I’ve met. I really love his Mom and Dad. They’re so awesome.

I’ve also had a few old, but very close friends randomly appear back into my life. One was my best friend – and the most unexpected of all, Mr. Mason. Another was Miss Nicky. S. John was definitely the coolest by far. Erin was awesome to hear from again. Ken rocked because he’s just so damn awesome and I’ve missed him soooooo very, very much. There were others, but these by far stand out the most. I’m so glad to have you guys – and gals – back in my life again!

During this year with the stellar movements of the sky and earth in balance, there was Misery Journey, of which I am not sure that I have spoken of. Shortly after getting married I got to take a now former friend back home to Tacoma from Austin when she lost her job at Apple – with the promise that her or her parents would give me enough gas money to make it back. Well, her parents did, but she having Borderline Personality Disorder and being a kleptomaniac stole about half the money they gave me to get home on and thus left me in a major bind. I made it to California, because before I’d left I’d already planned to make a side trip there to visit with my ex-roommate and close friend, Jason. He cleaned me up, got some Starbucks in me, took me to the best sushi I’ve ever had in my whole, entire life (and I’ve had A LOT of sushi), and got me good for the road back home. Because of him, I made it back with under twenty bucks to my name. I didn’t eat or stop to rest on the way back, either. He saved my ass, though. And during that twenty-four hour respite, he showed me some beautiful things. California IS beautiful. I must give it that.

In this last year, this past tour in the sunshine, there have been some really bad things that have happened, namely two – and both have been in the past two months, funny enough: Steve and I lost our daughter; I nearly died last week from an accidentally medically-induced medicine overdose that sent me into grand mal seizures for a few days. One day longer, said the neurologist at the hospital to me after reviewing my EEGs, and I probably would’ve been toast.

My sponsor and I decided after much talk that since my last ‘relapse’ was what I thought it was and what she’d spent the last few years trying to convince me that it was – a suicide attempt driven by my ex. I used a lethal dose and it didn’t kill me, so now March first is my pseudo-sobriety birthday and October thirty-first of 2003 is my actual sobriety birthday, meaning that soon – very soon – I’ll be coming up on five years. Hella cool. So in my previous revolution, instead of making just one year, I actually hit my four. This is going to make things interesting come Birthday Night. LOL.

(ephemeral) 

The deeper you stick it in your vein
The deeper the thoughts, there’s no more pain
I’m in heaven, I’m a god
I’m everywhere, I feel so hot

It’s not a habit, it’s cool, I feel alive
If you don’t have it you’re on the other side
I’m not an addict (maybe that’s a lie)
It’s over now, I’m cold, alone

I’m just a person on my own
Nothing means a thing to me
(Nothing means a thing to me)

That’s from K’s Choice’s Not an Addict. I woke up on my alterna-sobriety birthday in the hospital recovering from a medication overdose initated by a well-meaning doctor. That, after two days previous of being totally out of it and very near death, was the first day I was aware – me – again.

Happy pseudo-birthday to me.